Barack Obama's Evil Plan

As everyone knows, Barack Obama is a smart guy. However, he also appears to be nice guy. Let's give the people health care! Let's stop those greedy corporate whores from sucking our economy dry! These benign intentions have always made me suspicious. But now the genius inside Barack is finally doing what Sarah Palin would describe as "rearing its head."

Tonight, Barack Obama suggested a great new way to force Iran to halt its uranium enrichment program and dismantle its nuclear facilities. He suggested that the United States and its allies should prevent Iran from importing gasoline. While Iran has vast reserves of oil and a national infrastructure that practically revolves around petroleum extraction, its refinery capabilities have diminished severely in recent decades. Therefore, Iran requires massive imports of foreign-refined gasoline for its national economy to function. Here's where the genius comes in.


Theoretically, the U.S. and its allies could organize a ban among gasoline exporting nations to block Iranian access to fuel. If organized effectively, this would bring the production of crude oil to a halt; but more importantly, it would cripple the national economy and send shockwaves through ruling circles in Iran. Key Iranian politicians might finally reconsider the benefits of pursuing nuclear development policies, and a great threat to civilization might be averted.


If any version of this blockade is going to work, it will require Russia's participation. And just in case you've been living under the ground for the past 7 years, Russia is unlikely to fall in line with any initiative aimed at augmenting the influence of the West, especially if that influence is directed at a state with which Russia shares arms contracts, energy infrastructure, and a burning hatred for the United States.

There is also a possibility that support from other middle eastern nations would undercut the effectiveness of a blockade against Iran. Saudi Arabia, the nation in possession of the world's largest oil reserves as well as a relationship with the West that is parasitic and temporary at best, is also unlikely to sacrifice petro-dollars to make a statement against Iran's nuclear aspirations. The one dynamic that does increase the West's chances of success is wide-spread fear that a nuclear Iran would pose to other middle eastern nations. Saudi Arabia's goal is to protect itself, and if that means collaborating with the U.S. to prevent Iran from gaining regional hegemony, then it probably will. However, something as drastic as Barack Obama's plan to cripple the national economy has the ulterior possibility of estranging these very nations whose support is most crucial to making sanctions work effectively.


The most drastic outcome of this proposed blockade would be a contestation of Ayatollah Khomeini's government through a popular uprising, but that would require such complete devastation of the Iranian economy that living conditions would be dangerously degraded. But this is exactly the kind of structural change in Iran that American leaders desire most. Barack Obama's intention to affect such a change is the logical, and probable conclusion of the West's efforts to mitigate Iran's belligerent actions on the international stage.


Barack has the right idea. Why spend billions of American dollars or waste any more American lives intervening in the middle east's regional affairs? John McCain wants to continue Bush's idiotic attempt to perform a democratic makeover on the middle east. But the slumber party's over girls; it's time to get serious. Just cut Iran's access to fuel, and see what happens. A little energy shortage, a little industrial standstill and economic collapse, and boom! An imploded Iran. This is why Obama has my vote, so he can set that evil genius to work for the good of the American people.